We each have our own story - full of laughter, tears, crazy memories, family, friendships, relationships. Sharing the stories of our lives is a beautiful thing.
It seems to me there are two very different kinds of stories to tell, and ways to receive them. There are stories that are funny, or sweet, or sad, but don’t take anything from us as we tell it besides a bit of memory and the words on our lips. Stories told this way might bring a laugh out of the listener, or a smile, or perhaps even a tear. They may even re-tell the story someday, recalling the events once more with a moment of brief remembrance.
But then there is a completely different kind of story we can tell. This kind pulls at your heartstrings in a way you cannot describe. There is much of you invested in this story’s contents. This memory shaped you, changed you; and so it changes you even now, as you speak it into words. It may be a sweet memory of a moment that changed a relationship, or brought one into being, or ended one for good. It could bring up warm tears that fall past a smile as a parting hug is remembered, or a front porch is pictured – the place where countless hours were spent shaping relationships. It could also bring bitter tears as heart-wrenching scenes are brought to mind once again – times of pain, death, separation. As these words are spoken the bitterness or anger or hurt burns as fresh as it did that April day so many years ago.
Stories such as this bring varied responses in the listener. They may invoke a bit of emotion as the listener feels sympathy for what the speaker has experienced. Here the listener leaves the conversation for the most part unchanged. Different, and beautiful is the listener who knows and understands, who feels in a deep way the emotions behind this story. Empathy is powerful and real and in this moment both party’s hearts are pulled and changed in the telling and receiving. Such exchanges are rare – and so valuable.
I am so thankful for moments like this that are especially rare when I tell of Uganda and Rwanda to people. My heart is refreshed in a way unlike any other. Talking to someone who understands where you have been leaves so much less to have to be explained, clarified. So much more emotion is shared and truly known deeply.
Perhaps more beautiful still are moments when listeners are genuinely affected and changed by stories they hear – even when they have no previous connection to them. To truly open oneself up to a story and to the story teller to let God use the words as He will is a difficult and precious thing. But oftentimes we need a listener to hear the pains in our stories, because we just cannot go it alone. I truly believe it is possible and so necessary to enter into a place of suffering with someone, to sit and be with them in that. It may not be easy, or comfortable, but they need a friend in that place. And I think it is nothing but the close and purposeful listening of their story that will bring you to that place.
Cue my newest favorite song: Nightminds by Missy Higgins. She describes this entering into suffering with someone perfectly.
I pray for the courage to continue to tell difficult stories hoping and trusting that change CAN take place in the speaking and listening of them.
Stories such as this bring varied responses in the listener. They may invoke a bit of emotion as the listener feels sympathy for what the speaker has experienced. Here the listener leaves the conversation for the most part unchanged. Different, and beautiful is the listener who knows and understands, who feels in a deep way the emotions behind this story. Empathy is powerful and real and in this moment both party’s hearts are pulled and changed in the telling and receiving. Such exchanges are rare – and so valuable.
I am so thankful for moments like this that are especially rare when I tell of Uganda and Rwanda to people. My heart is refreshed in a way unlike any other. Talking to someone who understands where you have been leaves so much less to have to be explained, clarified. So much more emotion is shared and truly known deeply.
Perhaps more beautiful still are moments when listeners are genuinely affected and changed by stories they hear – even when they have no previous connection to them. To truly open oneself up to a story and to the story teller to let God use the words as He will is a difficult and precious thing. But oftentimes we need a listener to hear the pains in our stories, because we just cannot go it alone. I truly believe it is possible and so necessary to enter into a place of suffering with someone, to sit and be with them in that. It may not be easy, or comfortable, but they need a friend in that place. And I think it is nothing but the close and purposeful listening of their story that will bring you to that place.
Cue my newest favorite song: Nightminds by Missy Higgins. She describes this entering into suffering with someone perfectly.
I pray for the courage to continue to tell difficult stories hoping and trusting that change CAN take place in the speaking and listening of them.
