Pike's Peak

All alone.
Yet surrounded by such vivid life.
Silent.
Yet listening to the waking sounds of morning.
Cold.
Yet warmed by the rising sun.
In pain.
Yet cozily sitting in my sweats.
Content.
I could not be more thrilled to be sitting here.

Early morning, sun just risen.
Birds chirping, chipmunks scampering.
Well rested, according to camping standards.
Another six mile hike looms in my future -
Waiting to suffer my legs, back, feet, and shoulders.
Mosquitoes search me endlessly,
Seeking some exposed skin to feast upon.

I love the mountains
The wind blowing through the trees
The birds chatting back and forth
The feel of the strong rock behind my back
The smell of pine, of earth, of nature.

Life is simple out here -
No shopping malls,
No excessive wealth,
No arguments about petty things,
Just life. Shalom.
Oneness with nature.
I was made for this. And this for me.
My God lives here, dwells here.

I am grateful to see, to hear, to feel
To taste the beauty of this moment.
This - I will remember,
Take with me as I travel onwards -
Just waiting until the day I come back,
And summit this majestic mountain once again.

A Journey Through The Senses

It's strange to think
Of where've I've been and what I've seen.
Tall buildings, big cities,
Cultures different from my own.
History, Modernity,
Foreign languages galore.

I've feasted my eyes
On sites straight from postcards.
History books come alive
With much new meaning and grandeur.

Ancient buildings,

Huge cathedrals, local shops and markets.

So many paintings -

Art that will take your breath away.

Rivers and bridges,
Quaint towns and tourist centers.

And I have tasted
What brings these people life.
Whether in restaurants,
Grocery stores, or someone's home,
I have been humbled
By heart-felt service and exquisite tastes.
Paella and sausages
One from Spain and the other in Germany.
Gelato, wine,
And the best pizzas in Italy.
Home-cooked specialties
Baked with excitement, and a joy to share.

These too I have smelled
My mind storing and memorizing the scents.
Freshly baked bread,
Waffle cones, and meat sizzling on the grill.
Country and city smells,
Cows, rivers, fields, and forests.
An old manor house,
A used book, or a fresh garden.
Air thick with pollution,
Hot dusty roads, and cool summer rain.

And now we listen -
To everything from roosters to children laughing.
Honking horns, tires screeching,
People talking, cheering, yelling, and crying.
American pop music
Playing in clubs and restaurants alike.
Pushy street vendors
Selling knock off purses, sunglasses, or laser pointers.
So many languages
With unique accents, dialects, and sayings.

And lastly comes touch
As we journey through the lands of Europe

I've held train tickets,

Bus passes, metro cards, and flight confirmations.

Maps and a camera -

Fitting into the tourist stereotype.

Shaking hands, giving hugs

Meeting new friends and reuniting with old ones.

Blisters from garden tools,
A hot mug of tea, soft blanket, and a book.
My feet have stepped
On ground once walked by Romans.

And now I've returned -
Sitting on my back porch in Colorado.
Birds chirping happily,
The sun just peaking up through the trees.
With tea in hand,
A piece of toast, and my journal.
Ready for new adventures -
A continuing exploration, a never-ending journey.

Sitting in postcards...

So quite the ride its been since I was on here last...spent a week in Barcelona, two and a half days in Roma, and then just finished day 1 in Firenze. Oi Vay. I am insanely tired and fighting a cold. But shoot, I am lovin it.

Some random thoughts...

My favorite food thus far: For sure the Paella in Barcelona, Yummy!
Favorite language to listen to: Italian. Oh man, it is beautiful.
Favorite accent to hear people fight in: British...they sound so stinkin polite its hard to believe they are really fighting.
Favorite language to attempt to speak: Spanish...wasnt as embarrassingly awful as I thought it would be.
Favorite language to actually speak: German...though I am waiting till Germany to really indulge this one.

Fun quotes:

From a guy selling laser pointers pointing them at people in obscene places: "Shaka Laka Boom Boom, you see? Yes, you like, shaka laka boom boom!"

Ashley today sitting on a bridge wall eating gelato in Florence: "I feel like I'm sitting in a postcard."

Guilia and I in the hostel: "Oh my goooaaaahhhhd! Router, netflicks, whaaaaat?"

"The whole object of traveling is not to set your foot on foreign land, it is to at last set foot on one's own country as a foreign land." - G.K. Chesterton...from the wall of our hostel.

Ok internet time is almost up but take care and hope to hear from you soon!

Ciao!

Life at L'Abri

Hello friends -

It's been a while since I've been blogging about an adventure but here we go...

I have been living essentially in Paradise for the last two weeks, at a lovely place called L'Abri in Greatham, England. (Oh, and I spent a few days exploring London but we can talk about that later :))

So at L'Abri we basically work for half the day and study for half the day. We eat breakfast and dinner all together, but split up for lunch to have discussions. This means we sit down at lunch and someone just asks a question, any question they have been thinking about, and we talk through it for an hour or so. Nights involve lectures, movies, visits to the pub, and other a sundry activities. Basically its been a huge blessing to be in this community where I feel both encouraged, supported, and challenged. People are real here. Really broken, really confused, really helpful, really sincere, really fun, really adventurous, really loving, really hard-working, really kind, and really just awesome.

I was talking with a friend the other day when she asked me what I had done during my study time that morning, what book I had read or what lecture I had listened to. My response was just that I had thought. I just sat outside in this beautiful English countryside and thought about life and things for a few hours. She laughed. What a wonderful place to be where we have time to do that. It has been so great to have no obligations to worry about, no where to be but here. It's really tough at times, no doubt, because I feel I have been smacked head on with some issues I've been hiding under the rug for a while. But I am thankful. And learning to be more so.

Yesterday morning I went on a run through this beautiful countryside and was absolutely awestruck with creation. God really did some good work there, didnt he? It's one thing to acknowledge with my mouth that yes, he's our Creator, and quite another to realize he painted the scene as I run between 20 horses on a footpath watching little bunnies flit across the path in front of me as the birds chirp in the trees and the morning mist hits my face as the sun peeks up through the trees and warms my skin. Definitely a humbling and joyous experience.

There are so many more stories to tell..obviously they must be saved for a later date. But to highlight a few - on our first day off we took a 4 hour walk to the No Name Pub through the countryside. And by countryside I literally mean through people's fields...the rule here is if you buy a piece of land that has a footpath on it you have to maintain it and let people go through your fields...this leads to one of the more enjoyable walk/hikes ever...and I can't begin to describe the wonderful conversations that happen along the way. Another wonderful journey was to a pub one night after dinner - there was a beer festival there and a live band and we basically danced like fools up in the front, along with so many wonderful people from the town. SO FUN. If you know me well at all, you know there is nothing I love more than a good dance party. And this was it - England-style. :)

Well I'm off to go to high tea, but take care, and I miss you all. On Wednesday Stef and I leave for Barcelona, and various adventures after that.

Oh, and yes we watched the England-USA game last night, and are thankful for a draw because now we can all continue getting along well...no unnecessary tension in the air. :)

Shalom to you all.

Reflections A Year Later

So I wrote this for BestSemester but thought I would put it up here as well...it just represents a little summary of where I feel I am at right now. It makes it seem like I have more figured out than I really do...this is just alot of what I have been processing for the last year.

"Here is a glimpse of some of what I learned while living in Mukono, Uganda. And I say “living” instead of “studying abroad” because it was living; it became home. I have a family, a home, a community in Uganda just as real to me as the chair I’m sitting in right now.

I learned that our cultures shape who we are. Our cultures create a picture of where we come from and what we are about. They also can create stereotypes and walls that divide us. My culture is not perfect, yet there are aspects I appreciate – my freedoms and the opportunities it has given me. There are also aspects that frustrate me and spur me to change – our consumerist way of life, our belief that we have a “right” to live with such excessive wealth. We are so distanced (and I do not mean geographically) from the suffering of this world that we live prosperous, comfortable lives with not a moment’s thought for the hardships others endure.

I learned that I can love people, and make an impact on their lives without being a full-time missionary. While in Uganda I was motivated to return to the US to pursue my doctoral degree in environmental chemistry so that when I go back to Uganda I will have valuable skills to offer, in addition to my heart for the people there.

I discovered that it is completely possible to take a shower with less than a gallon of water. I also learned that it is only too easy to come back to the US and take a hot shower for 15 minutes without thinking twice about how privileged I am to have that, or how much water that uses.

I have learned what it means to ask questions, and never find the answers.

I realized that in the US we are constantly bombarded with media. Everywhere we go there are TVs, radios, advertisements, and people telling us what we should buy and how we should dress to be socially acceptable. It’s too easy to go through the day without stopping to think or to be still before the Lord. I have learned that moments like the ones I spent sitting out on the back porch at my host family’s house can exist here even amidst the craziness of college life. I have learned that turning off the TV, closing ITunes, and creating those quiet moments is essential for maintaining the perspective and lifestyle I want to live.

I am continuing to learn to run my schedule based on the people I’m with rather than by the clock on the wall.

I learned that I love sitting for hours and drinking tea with people, and that the people in my life are more important and more worthy of my time and energy than anything else.

I learned that there are more ways to live out a belief in God than what I have grown up seeing in the US. Ugandan Christians painted a beautiful picture for me of what it looks like to live faithfully and be obedient to God. Their picture is very different from the one my parents drew and I am learning now to paint my own, drawing from what I have seen and experienced. I have a new canvas, and each day I paint a new line, color in something I was not sure of before, or scratch something out that doesn’t fit anymore."

Hiding in Bed

Tucked safely under the weight of my covers
Warm beneath the chilling ocean breeze
That blows through the room
I hear the waves crashing
I feel their mist on my face.
Snuggled up in my pillows -
There is comfort here,
There is assurance.

This is a time when I escape
I leave the worries of the world
And sleep washes over me.
Never long enough -
But refreshing and true.

I am hidden from the stones
As they fall around me
One after the other.
Nothing can touch me here
No new worry
No heart-wrenching news.

But my memories are here
They stay with me.
They welcome me into themselves
To lay, to sleep, to remember.
To cry, to mourn, to yearn
For a place so far away,
People I hold so dear.

They are safe here with me
Tucked in bed, hiding
From a world so big and scary
So evil, so broken.

I cannot get myself up,
Can't bear to leave this -
My little sanctuary.

Because out there its different
I must be OK and happy,
Pretend like all is well.

I cannot mourn as I wish,
I cannot be in Uganda -
For it is here that I live.

Here in this place
So fast, so rich, so arrogant.
I fight bitterness
As it rages inside.

How can we think this is best?
How can we live without rest?

Where is the love, the community, the selflessness?

I feel lost here.
Out of place -
But not wanting to fit in.

Tension, tension, tension.

What am I supposed to do with it?
How do I respond?
Its scary to ask -
But even as I do
And I come up with answers,
They are never enough.

Not enough to get me up from bed -
Not enough to make everything all right –

Not enough to put out this fire –

Not enough…yet…it has to be enough.

It has to be enough to keep on pushing,

Enough to see hope of change,

Enough to persevere when others give up.

Lying here in bed,

Overwhelmed by this state I find myself in.

I know I have hope, dreams, wishes, passions,

That get buried beneath the pain

And I just have to let them be enough.

Living in Tension...

How can I honestly be expected to live in this kind of tension?

My heart is so torn, my emotions so fragile.

Living in a new place, the people became so dear to me. Like family, bonded in a love that to me feels different than much of what I have felt here. Companions, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. It was all so different, so new to me - so unique. Something that I will never experience again, but will hold on to for forever.

Not so for them, my dear family. They hosted students before me, and will host many after me. Some they will connect with better, interact with more, love more?? The thought rips at my heart. What about what we had? Do you miss me? Do you remember me? Do I have any right to hope you do and claim you as mine?

Such selfish thoughts...they would not be happy. They value community, everyone a part of the family - how rude of me to ask anything else of them.

Apparently I didn't learn much.
Yet they also forgive, more graciously than most. So I ask, can you forgive me, my dear family? I'm sorry. I don't know how to be strong in this, how to let this happen, how to let you move on. But I will try, maybe pray if I can figure that out again. I just ask for mercy, for love - please can you keep loving me too? I know you will...how can I even ask? Know that you have my love and my heart forever. Nkwagala nyo.

The memories, the laughter, it all feels so real and so true...but so far away. So. Far. Away. So far gone, so far lost. But I know it is not gone, it is not lost. As evidenced by the tears streaming down my face, those people, their stories, and the memories remain very close to my heart - in my heart.

Hearing Dan Nelson talk about Rwanda in chapel last week was amazing. (Ask me if you want to hear his story) His connection with those Rwandese is beautiful. But talking about the genocide and seeing the pictures of the skulls lined up...my heart breaks once again. It's like my head, my brain shuts off and my heart takes over and just screams...It hurts! It hurts! It's so real. It's so real. It's so much more that just pictures, or just a story. It's mothers and fathers and sons and daughters, neighbors, and church members. It's Charles. (Please ask about his story as well, I would be honored to share it) The love and reconciliation is amazing and its so good and so necessary to remember and recognize. But the evil, the pain, the death, the betrayal is all still reality. It still happened.
And I don't want to hold on to that more than they do...but how? How do I recognize that and not make light of it...but live in the home and promise (?) of reconciliation that is going on there? How do I "live in" anything there while living here? How do I see that in chapel and then go work on a lab report? Really? Really.

One step at a time. That's the only way I can do anything right now. One little step at a time.