Joy-stealers

"Comparison is the thief of joy." -Theodore Roosevelt

It truly is. And I think this is one of the biggest negatives of social media these days. Countless people have written about it and studied what it's doing to our generation's self-esteem. We see others post the best 10% of their life - fun events, cute selfies, etc. And we compare it to the 90% real-life-is-actually-hard-and-super-messy that we experience everyday. People are noticing this and getting better, posting "real life messy" pictures, and I think that's great. But I still compare myself to those. Oh cool, so glad they can be genuine and show me their mess...but honestly, their mess still looks better than mine.

Satan is good at his job. The father of lies and deception is so happy to see us spend our time comparing our lives/achievements/failures to those of our friends and family. Because when we are comparing, whether its lusting after someone's "perfect" looking life or even if it's a self-righteous "glad I have my life together more than that person" we are missing out on experiencing our own lives.

And I'm sick of it.

I can tell you that as a middle child in between two incredible sisters, I've done my share of comparing from a young age. Maybe if my sisters weren't so awesome, I wouldn't have struggled with this as much. ;) Just kidding...I'm sure I would have. I grew up constantly striving to be the best, to do the best, to make myself and my parents proud. And sometimes, I succeeded. I got good grades in high school, played sports, went to college, traveled abroad, taught high school for 4 years and got married. Check - check - check.

But sometimes I didn't succeed - not in the way the world views it. I quit grad school after a year, moved back in with my parents, eventually got a divorce, quit teaching, and am now trying to put the pieces of life back together and figure out what I want to do and where I want to go. And it's so hard. And that's what I tend to focus on. How tough it is, how I thought I was doing everything right and I still failed, how life throws you curve balls just because - and you have to figure it out anyways.

From that point of view it is SO easy to compare my life to other peoples' and let them steal my joy. And then I'm mad at them. You stole my joy! I was doing okay and then I realized how much better your life is because I saw your cute pictures or cause you're having a baby or you just got married or you landed your dream job or you just seem so darn happy. Ugh! How rude. Don't you realize what I've been through? I want that. I want your life.

I thought I had it, actually, but it turns out I was so wrong. I'm on a different path. And I don't want to be, but obviously, I don't have a choice. It is what it is. You can't go back and change the past. All you can do is choose how you move forward.

So how do I move forward? How do I stop this joy-stealing comparison and start appreciating what I have? Here's my current idea (and by current I mean I'm coming up with it right now so it's a serious work in progress):

Step 1: Develop gratitude. There is always plenty to be thankful for. Take time everyday to look around and be grateful for God's faithfulness in my life. For the beautiful moments of joy and laughter he gives me. For good friends, sweet family, a great boyfriend, a job, a cute apartment, the ability to run and dance and worship.

Step 2: Remember that everyone else out there is also NOT PERFECT. Just like me. We are all broken, sinful, messy, and struggling through life together. I'm not perfect, and they're not perfect. So quit trying to act like perfection is something to be attained! It's not!

"Perfectionism is not healthy striving. 

It is not asking 'How can I be my best self?' 

Instead it's asking, 'What will people think?'" -Brene Brown

Step 3: Give people credit. Assume they are all doing the best they can. Be generous in my assumptions about them. When someone hurts me, remember that they are just trying to get through this crazy life, too. Give them a break (and a Kit-Kat bar, if it feels appropriate).

Step 4: Cultivate joy. Enough with the comparison crap that makes me feel bad. If I'm gonna scroll through facebook then I need to be in a place where I can be excited for friends who have new babies or jobs or what not. If I can't do that, then I'm going to turn it off and go create something, exercise, go outside and play - do something that is life-giving.

The thing about joy-stealers is that it's not even their fault. You can't really steal someone's joy. You can take away their happiness, but not their joy. Joy doesn't come from circumstances. It's deeper than that. And for Christians, it comes to us from Christ - from the hope we have in His work on the cross and His infinite love for us.

So it's my choice whether I give up my joy to some well-posed, cute-captioned pictures on Facebook, or to my - probably wrong, definitely incomplete - picture of what other people's lives are like or if I keep it for myself. Honestly, this seems like a very easy choice. (PSA: It's not actually that easy. Sometime it's really difficult to choose joy when you're in the midst of some seriously trying circumstances...it seems easier to sit in the sadness and let it wash over you. And that's important to do sometimes, but I hope that at the end of the day we can strive to choose joy above sadness and above comparison. It's a process, as with most things, but I'm at least going to try.)

I'll take my joy back, thanks very much. And I'd like to keep it this time.