Quick update!

Hello friends! 

Sorry I haven't been able to blog, Internet access has been quite limited, but I have some time tonight so just want to give you a quick idea of what we've been up to. 

We got to see my host family our first week here which was AMAZING. They were thrilled to get to meet mom and so excited and honored that we came to stay with them. What a joy for me to be reunited with them after all this time. 

Since then we have been at "base camp" with Come Lets Dance (CLD). The compound is quite nice and a great place to come back and relax at after busy days (the first two weeks here there was a huge group of volunteers from CSU - fun to have CO friends in Uganda :)). Week days are spent at one of the various projects CLD works with: hanging with kids at the primary school (running around, playing cards - can't describe how absolutely adorable and loving they are), working on the farm, tutoring kids in the slums, making posters for teacher aids, trimming stray threads at the sewing outreach - Thread of Life, etc. 

I have also been able to observe teachers at the high school and talk with them about ideas and ways to improve their teaching. So cool for me to be able to plug in that way, and for mom to be able to help at Thread of Life with a leather project they are just getting started on. 

I was also supposed to give a teacher training on Saturday but got the flu and spent the day traveling on bumpy roads to the clinic to get rehydrated. Recovered more today and hoping to be up and about tomorrow. I'm scheduled to teach a few physics classes at the high school this Tuesday and next so I'd appreciate prayers for strength to be able to do that! 

Thanks so much for your support and prayers - can't tell you how wonderful it is to be back in Uganda. :) Miss you all!! Xoxo

Back to Uganda at last!

My goodness it has been a long time. So many stories to tell and journeys to share, with unexpected twists and turns along the way. The most important thing is that my God is faithful and just, and has never left my side. I am so grateful for my faith and how it has grounded me through all life has handed me. I can honestly say I would NOT have made it through the last two years without the love and care of my Savior.

And now He has given me the most amazing gift - to return to Uganda, the place I left pieces of my heart in seven years ago. But this time I'm not going alone. In the craziest of ways He has called my mom to join me! My mom!! The one who, when I asked her if I could study abroad there said not only "no", but "no, I won't even pray about it."

But here we are, sitting side by side in the Newark airport, about to be on our way to Brussels and then Entebbe. Tomorrow night we will be in my home away from home. I will have the immense joy of introducing the place and people I love so dearly to my mom. And what happens after that...who even knows? :) God will show up and do what He does best: surprise, awe, love, challenge, and amaze us.

I. Cannot. Wait.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with us and a double thanks to the many of you who donated to help make this trip a reality. I cannot tell you what it means to me.

I will update this blog as I'm able - not sure yet what our access to Internet will look like. We're grateful for your thoughts and prayers as we journey forward in this crazy little thing called life.

Cheers!

On Story Telling...

We each have our own story - full of laughter, tears, crazy memories, family, friendships, relationships. Sharing the stories of our lives is a beautiful thing. 

It seems to me there are two very different kinds of stories to tell, and ways to receive them. There are stories that are funny, or sweet, or sad, but don’t take anything from us as we tell it besides a bit of memory and the words on our lips. Stories told this way might bring a laugh out of the listener, or a smile, or perhaps even a tear. They may even re-tell the story someday, recalling the events once more with a moment of brief remembrance. 

But then there is a completely different kind of story we can tell. This kind pulls at your heartstrings in a way you cannot describe. There is much of you invested in this story’s contents. This memory shaped you, changed you; and so it changes you even now, as you speak it into words. It may be a sweet memory of a moment that changed a relationship, or brought one into being, or ended one for good. It could bring up warm tears that fall past a smile as a parting hug is remembered, or a front porch is pictured – the place where countless hours were spent shaping relationships. It could also bring bitter tears as heart-wrenching scenes are brought to mind once again – times of pain, death, separation. As these words are spoken the bitterness or anger or hurt burns as fresh as it did that April day so many years ago.

Stories such as this bring varied responses in the listener. They may invoke a bit of emotion as the listener feels sympathy for what the speaker has experienced. Here the listener leaves the conversation for the most part unchanged. Different, and beautiful is the listener who knows and understands, who feels in a deep way the emotions behind this story. Empathy is powerful and real and in this moment both party’s hearts are pulled and changed in the telling and receiving. Such exchanges are rare – and so valuable.

I am so thankful for moments like this that are especially rare when I tell of Uganda and Rwanda to people. My heart is refreshed in a way unlike any other. Talking to someone who understands where you have been leaves so much less to have to be explained, clarified. So much more emotion is shared and truly known deeply.

Perhaps more beautiful still are moments when listeners are genuinely affected and changed by stories they hear – even when they have no previous connection to them. To truly open oneself up to a story and to the story teller to let God use the words as He will is a difficult and precious thing. But oftentimes we need a listener to hear the pains in our stories, because we just cannot go it alone. I truly believe it is possible and so necessary to enter into a place of suffering with someone, to sit and be with them in that. It may not be easy, or comfortable, but they need a friend in that place. And I think it is nothing but the close and purposeful listening of their story that will bring you to that place.

Cue my newest favorite song: Nightminds by Missy Higgins. She describes this entering into suffering with someone perfectly.

I pray for the courage to continue to tell difficult stories hoping and trusting that change CAN take place in the speaking and listening of them.

Home sweet home again.

Ahh life is so crazy! Time is so fickle. Every time I sit down to write I am just blown away by where the wind has taken me. And the beauty of this moment is I truly have NO idea where I am going to end up next.

In short – stomach problems have been plaguing me, I didn’t love Boston or the research I was doing at Tufts, and the combination thereof has caused me to end up back home in Colorado, taking a year off of grad school and going to doctors to try to get healthy. Let’s not forget Cass’s wedding two weeks ago (see last blog post for the toast I gave at the wedding), or Renee’s coming up in 5 months. So many exciting things going on!

Back to this lovely moment. I’ve spent the last week moving in and making space for myself in what was/is the guest room at my parent’s house. Moving back in with the rents seems weird in some ways, but also so normal and so good. I am truly thankful to have parents kind enough to let me move back in with them, and who are so cool that I am excited to get to spend so much time with them!

I think the strangest thing about this phase for me is that I am no longer a student. I have had this “occupation”, this definition of me and my current purpose for the last 18 years. For 18 years whenever someone asked me what I did my response was simply “I am a student.” For 5 of those years, the follow up conversation has included my passion and delight in chemistry. As of two years ago the conversation continued smoothly on to discuss my plans to attend graduate school and pursue my doctoral degree in hopes of going on to do research or “maybe eventually end up teaching.”

And I did, I went to Tufts and put in my first year as a graduate student. And I do still love chemistry, and I do still think I might end up teaching some day. It was fun to experience something new and live on the east coast. But something wasn’t right. I was not happy, and my body was showing evidence of the stress, getting worse every day.

So now I have aborted that plan, and am in search of a new one. And for the interim, I am NOT a student. I’m hoping to work as a barista, maybe a chemistry tutor, and most hopefully a Zumba instructor. I can’t actually wrap my mind around the fact that at the end of August I will not be getting a class schedule, I will not be meeting new friends in class, I will not be buying fresh notebooks to fill with complicated chemical ramblings, and I will not be following the routine of school that I have come to know so well.

But let’s not be too dramatic, I may be back in school come next fall. There is a perfectly good chance I will enroll in a different graduate program and be getting started in a year. Yet there is just as good of a chance I may never go back to school again. Should I discover something else I am more passionate about, if an opportunity comes by that is just too good to pass up – I’m takin it! And that will be the end of that. I told you life was crazy, and time fickle.

For now – here’s to exploring what life OUTSIDE of school is like. What it means to no longer be a student. (So far it means no classes, no homework, and no tests – woot to that!!)

Carpe diem, right? Let’s do this.

Maid of Honor Toast

My goodness has it been a long time since I've written! So much has happened - but more on that in my next post. For now, I am posting a copy of the toast I gave (or at least my notes that I improvised off of) at my older sister Cassandra's wedding on July 24th. Huge congratulations to her and Nick, I could not be happier for them! The day was perfect - check out Scot's blog for some AMAZING pictures:

http://giveandtakepictures.com/blog/cassie-nick-essex-ma-july-24-2011/


And now for the toast:

"Hi, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Nicole, Cass’s younger sister. Cass and I usually get mixed up because we look so much alike, but oddly that hasn’t happened yet today – I think the big white dress helps.

Nick, Cass – congratulations, first and foremost! Thanks so much for making this day what it is, and for getting married - so we could all come to a fun party!

Nick – though you are our resident weather pattern expert, I figured you could use some advice about the storms and sunny days that will be coming your way now that you have married Cassandra. Here are a few patterns to be on the lookout for.

1. Persistence.

She has always been persistent. When we were little we REALLY wanted a bunny – and I mean really. But mom and dad just were not feelin it. So we decided at the ages of 6 and 8 - to write our parents a letter. It was very professional, lawyer-like, and very persuasive. Lines such as “If given a bunny we solemnly promise to take utmost care of said bunny and clean its cage every single day, etc…” If parents were ever to give their kids a bunny, it would be because of this letter. Unfortunately our mom was adamantly against this, so we had to settle with our little plastic bunnies – and proceeded to “feed” them vegetables, and grass and the like. We continued begging and pleading for about 8 years until we finally got a bunny in the house, because our cousins moved in and had one. Turns out they are cute, but also very smelly. Mom may have had a point.

Anyways, her trend of not giving up on something she wants continued up until she met you. Over the first summer you guys knew each other she began to fall for you, but you were SO sure you didn’t want to try long distance and despite her batting her eyelashes you still weren’t having it. But the whole first year you were in Seattle she just could NOT give up and get over you. Trust me, I tried my best, as her sister, to tell her the hard truth – Nick just doesn’t want to date you Cass, you need to get over him and move on. Most of her good friends were saying similar things, even a lab mate convinced her to join an online dating site in hopes of finding a new love interest for her. But nothing worked, and just like the bunny when she was 8 years old, she just was not willing to give up hope. And thank goodness she didn’t, right? Though most of the time I’m upset when she doesn’t listen to my infinite wisdom, this time – I gotta say, I’m very very glad she didn’t.

We were all very glad to hear Nick came around and realized what he was missing out on – but he still needed the full approval of the family. So naturally, he had to come to Freyschlag Family New Years. And the instant I saw him shamelessly getting his groove on to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” – I knew he would fit in just fine.

2. Scientist through and through.

It’s been great to see the way that Nick “gets” Cass. He understands the realm of “Cassie time” –where as one of the bridesmaids said “there is enough time for EVERYTHING to happen!”.

He also deeply understands the nerdy scientist in her – because he is one himself. I must say, the conversations I hear are really one-of-a-kind. And after talking to Nick Cass always has some fun new updates on the most recent weather activity across the country.

Ironically I again saw patterns of this when we were younger. I remember walking into the living room and catching Cass watching the weather channel. At ten years old?! Really? We would be flipping through channels, Renee and I looking for I Love Lucy or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and we go by the Weather Channel and Cass says “Wait! Stop! I want to watch this for a minute!” What? The Weather Channel? Booooringggg…Well I should have known that someday she would end up with an atmospheric scientist.

I hope you two can spend many romantic beautiful hours sitting in front of the TV watching the Weather Channel.

3. Loving, caring listener and such a great friend.

She will love you and listen to you no matter how rough her day was – she always has time and kindness to spare. Whether it’s over a cup of coffee in the morning, a mug of chocolate ice cream at night, or an ice-cold beer any time of day– she knows the proper therapy needed, and always has the right words to say.

Cass has truly been such a great sister and friend over the years, I could not be more thankful for such a great role model – someone to always look up to and admire the way she does life.

You’ve led the way in so many areas of life – from first learning to walk, read, and ski; our coincidental pursuit of a chemistry degree, and now in finding a handsome, funny, loving Godly man to marry.

When we were little we always dreamed of marrying brothers and living next door to each other – right down the street from our parents, of course. Well she messed that one up by marrying someone whose brother is already married, but I guess I can settle for still being neighbors someday.

Cass, you are a beautiful woman of God and I am thrilled to both hand you over to Nick, but also to welcome him as the first brother into our sisterhood.


And as Rascal Flatts says best:
I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
This is my wish.

Honestly, I could not be happier with the two people God has brought together today. Nick, I’m so glad it’s you. I know you will love and take care of Cass day in and day out and that’s all I could ask for.

And Nick, from the bottom of my heart, welcome to the family!"

Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy

I don’t know if you guys have seen this clip before, but if you haven’t - check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

I decided today that I should watch this about once a week just to keep things in perspective. How many times do I sit at my computer and get completely unnecessarily angry because a website takes “too long” to load? Just this morning I found myself seriously frustrated because the formatting on some lab reports I had written hasn’t been working. Formatting. Really, Nicole? That’s what’s gonna get you fired up? How many thousands of injustices are there happening in the world right now? And with all that going on I’m just gonna sit here in my warm house after having eaten a warm filling breakfast and get pissed off about formatting. On my macbook, nonetheless. Ugh.

This is why I think simplicity is so important. I am constantly (obviously with the exception of this morning...oh wait...and lots of other times) trying to focus on appreciating the little things in life, and keeping things in my life little.

I’m really into Mumford and Sons right now, and they have a song called Awake My Soul that is great. One line in particular says:

“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love, there you invest your life.”

I like the perspective that lines gives. First of all, we are all just here, chillin in our bodies - living and then dying. That’s pretty much what it comes down to. And in between that - we love, and we live. I have been reflecting recently, after a conversation with my friend Megan, about just how important love is. How is it so easy for me to forget this? To get caught up in life: studying, chemistry, joining a lab group, figuring out life in a new city, on a new side of the country, missing old friends, working too hard, not resting enough, stressing about things that are not worth the brain cells, finding something or another to complain about instead of just being CONTENT with where I am and focusing on LOVING those around me.

Again and again I find myself coming back to this. I want to invest my life: time, energy, emotions, into loving people instead of into getting upset about formatting. Though formatting is annoying, as it is when the T is late, or planes are delayed, or something we’ve come to depend on just isn’t working for us, I’m gonna keep working on making my life not about ME and what is or isn’t convenient for me, but about OTHERS. About how a smile can make their day a little brighter, or a hug might be just what someone needs if I slow down for a second to notice.

Peace, love, and grace to you friends.

Suddenly Living in Boston

4 October 2010

Time. Truly what a fickle thing it is. One minute I’m watching the sun set over the ocean at Point Loma - enjoying senior year, surrounded by people I have come to love and cherish deeply...the next minute I’m walking the narrow cobblestone streets of Roma, passing by the Colosseum, experiencing history like never before. Then, without a moments notice I’m back home in Colorado, sitting at my kitchen table, laughing with my parents, making ridiculous videos with my little sister, hiking Pike’s Peak and breathing in every moment of mountain air I can. But don’t get too settled there, because now its off to Boston, and before I know it I’ve been living in Boston for over 6 weeks and I’m sitting in a Starbucks in Davis Square, enjoying a Pumpkin Spice latte and studying for my first graduate school midterm. [Correction: currently enjoying a pumpkin spice latte as I write a blog post to procrastinate studying for my first graduate school midterm...some things never change. :)]

Walking through the halls of the Pearson Chemistry building at Tufts today, I could barely believe it happened so fast. Everything about preparing for grad school seemed like SUCH a big deal...all the countless hours spent studying for the GRE, researching schools, sending in application after application, visiting schools, waiting for acceptance letters, sifting through the rejection letters to survey the options, finally making the decision, moving across the country, moving in, meeting other first years in the department, starting classes...and then all of a sudden, here I am. I’m doing it. This is just life now. The whirlwind is finally slowing down as new rhythms take its place. No longer am I planning and preparing for some big changes coming, now I’m living them. The preparation has been actualized into this new daily life of mine. And I like it. It’s different, and really hard in some ways to adjust to, but its good. And I’m thankful. I’m thankful for all the work I did, and the support of people walking with me along the way. Parts of me still REALLY wants to be in San Diego, with my roommates and friends who stayed there, but I’m working on living in the moment, and really “being” where I am. Which is in Somerville, Massachusetts. For the next 5 years (at least). So let’s do this, Boston. Let’s become friends. I’m ready if you are. :)